Self-control, When you have money problems, you need actual concrete
If you feel lost, or as though you don’t know where you want your life to go next, self-control, or worse, fear that everything you have built could come crashing down, you don’t need more inspiration. You don’t need more positive thinking. You do not need more mobile “me time” or self-care obsessions or incredible online friends.
When you have money problems, you need actual concrete solutions for the money.
When you have relationship problems, you need better relationship strategies.
When you have work problems, you need smarter work routines.
When you have life principles, you need to foster a life with greater life-work management balance.
More money does not solve money problems. Spending more time online is not going to help you.
Different relationships do not solve relationship problems. Having fun with online friends quickly loses its shine when you realize you have been procrastinating. The internet isn’t as real as we make it out to be.
New work does not solve work problems. Your future life will not solve your life problems. Your online gigs won’t help you create the life-work balance you deserve, most likely. Because the truth about freelance work or gig-economies is that they weren’t designed to actually do that.
This is because money does not make you good with money. Love does not make you love yourself. Relationships don’t make you good at relationships. And spending online won’t make you feel happier. Why is that?
Work doesn’t make you good at your job, or capable of work/life balance. You don’t need to explore your authenticity and vulnerability online more, you need to focus on real life better.
This consists of building a life in the real world that priorities the relationships, work, money, and life you want more, deselecting things like spending time online that doesn’t’ contribute to that. It’s hard, I know.
Problems don’t inherently make you a stronger person unless you change and adapt. Making online friends that aren’t real and tangible in your life, won’t save you from your real life that lacks real intimacy, connection, companionship, and empathy.
The variable here is you. Also your digital self. Also your internet habits and that most valuable resource of all, time. The common denominator is whether or not you shift your foundational behavior in the world, in the spectrum of your offline and online selves, and how you behave within that spectrum. Waking up at 3 am to write on Medium, probably not a great idea. (As awesome as Medium is).
Let’s be very clear: some of us are spending too much time on the internet without working or relating enough in the real world. This can cause you a kind of mental health debt and lead you to struggle financially, this happens more often than you would ever think. The internet is like video games or art, it’s addictive — though it should be a good thing, too much of a good thing is also toxic.
People who make less money are required to learn how to manage it better, and people who make more think they can eschew principles because of the quantity they are attaining. You don’t want to be that person. Making more money online might not be the best answer.
You can screw up your dream relationship just as quickly as you can a hookup because the way you relate to others is an issue with you. Living online is like living in a fantasy world. Those people you talk to every day but have never met face to face, may never truly impact you as a real person should!
It’s easy to get lost in the moment, pulled into apps and platforms that are fundamentally not real. You cannot replace the connections your real self deserves with the relationships of your digital self. It’s not fair to yourself or the ones you love. (Love in real life).
You can be just as unhappy in your ideal job, with your perfect hours, at your most desired pay rate, if you don’t know how to ration your time, or relate to others in your workplace, or move your career forward. But having no career prospects doesn’t mean you can win one online. For most people having a startup, failure is inevitable.
People who are “living their dreams” and “following their passion” can be just as unhappy as people who are not. Spending too much time online isn’t going to make you a better person, for the most part. The reverse is more than likely.
If you don’t have prospects in the real world, it’s easy to come online and get hooked. Hooked up with digital dopamine, the pleasurable sensation of winning in a video game, getting a Facebook notification from a “friend” or even turning a trick in the online gig-economy. But that’s not what you should be settling for.
Your life is not going to get better just because you envision and then try to create a new one. Those problems are only going to follow you, and get bigger as your life does — especially, that is, if you spend more and more of your time online.
The good things that happen to us in life are like a magnifier. They tend to occur to us in real life, not simply online. Never forget that. Try to think about your best memories. I hope for your sake they are not online events that occurred to your digital self, a projected figment of your imagination, online.
Even the best things that ever happened to us show us where we still need to grow. True love shows us to ourselves. Money shows us to ourselves. Dream jobs show us to ourselves. The good, the bad, the desperately-needs-to-change-right-now. Internet or no internet. Hopefully, you are getting my gist.
If you don’t have the self-control not to use the internet too much, think about what that means for the quality of your life. You won’t maybe have the self-control in the future to adjust it. If you believe the internet is real, you might expect it to fulfill your needs. I’m not sure the internet Gods are likely to oblige.
What is Self Control?
Self-control is a fundamental truth that you can use to build the foundation of your life through the behaviors that you repeat daily. A strong sense of self-control is not an opinion or a belief. This power of self-control is your freedom, it is a matter of cause and effect.
Self-control, and what you say “yes and, more importantly, “no” to can become personal guidelines that lead to goals and success in those aspects of your life you want to succeed in, that you deserve to succeed in.
Some examples of self-control in your financial and money habits are the following: keep overhead costs low, get out and stay out of debt, live beneath your means, save for a rainy day. This is why spending too much time online might actually be bad for your bottom lines, the foundations that your life is built upon. The house of freedom or servitude we all live in.
Many financial experts advocate prioritizing debt repayment as the beginning of financial health. This is because one day of accrued interest probably won’t impact you that much. But 20 years will, to the tune of tens of thousands of dollars, if not more. Spending too much time online? You might realize the bills are starting to pile up.
Think of the person you’d be if you had self-control and didn’t spend much time online. Think of the real relationships you could enjoy. I know it’s hard, but by doing that I think you might find the future becomes a less scary thing.
It’s important to know what’s real and fake online, and increasingly we aren’t able to, even as we spend more time on our mobile devices each year as a society.
How do I start developing my self-control offline and vs. online?
How should you start building self-control in your ability to not spend so much time online? That’s entirely up to you. But whatever you decide, you are making choices that will have compound effects on your mental health, relationships, family life, financial health, and life-work balance, not to mention personal goals.
If I value relationships, by self-control I’m going to prioritize the relationships that count, the real ones. I’m not going to obsess over the online ones of my fictive digital self or try to get close to people on the internet. This is because I’ll have cultivated some self-control to create real meaning in my life, my actual life.
A good life is built from the inside out and is based on a foundation of self conduct and prioritization. It’s also about self-control and saying “no” to the things that bring you further away from connection, wealth, health and balance. Saying no to your “online friends” doesn’t mean you are a bad person, it simply means you value your real life more.