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Altered Identities, I dove into a pit of severe despair

Altered Identities, I dove into a pit of severe despair

Altered Identities, I dove into a pit of severe despair. I lost my identity and didn’t realize the blessing that it was so I bought it, but at the end of everything, I found hope. I realized I had an opportunity to build a new life. That losing the essence of who I was wasn’t a bad thing. It was a thing to embrace. Well, I accepted that after many tears, tries, and failures. I eventually had nothing else to do, but create a new life. I turned from my ghosts and ran away. Once I was free from them I could begin to create a new identity, but something happened. Others didn’t go with me.

While I was in the trenches duking it out with my demons’ others were working hard to stay the same. Sure, they had things happen, but they were resistant to the change that it could bring. They created an impenetrable barrier with a mirror in the center to reflect any hope or light. So, while they are busy staying the same I was changing. Altered Identities,  I was letting the pain and confusion set in and was letting it mold me. They just stayed where they were. Those same beings hold onto their sameness and onto treating others the same.




“Because you didn’t go with me on my journey you didn’t care to find out how I had changed and proceeded to treat me like I once was.”

When we change, and others don’t go with us.

But you see I had a new image. Author Thomas Moore notes that the “love of a new image of self leads to new knowledge about oneself and one’s potential.” I captured that image. An image of myself free from fear. Altered Identities, An image of me pursuing my interests without excuse and enjoying things I loved. It was an impression really, an awareness of a state of being that I longed for. I sensed a new found love for what I was becoming and it was helping me understand who I was. I began to see what was possible.

The change indicates that fear has been overcome. That we have embraced our new image and the self-revelation that comes with it. For you have to accept what you see. I had to accept a major life shift. That I wasn’t the person I once was. Once I could accept that I could start to imagine the person I wanted to be. Altered Identities, I was alone. No one else was on my journey of self-discovery. They were mostly just sitting around wondering when I would stop being so sad and depressed most of the time. They were really hoping I would just do whatever so that I could be like I was and they wouldn’t have to deal with it.




That decision meant they weren’t coming with me. They liked me they once knew. They treated me as if I held the same roles and responsibilities. They wanted the old me back. Altered Identities,  They were waiting until she arrived and humored me while I was in my state of metamorphosis. When I sprung from my cocoon they weren’t there. Then I became a problem. I hadn’t emerged as a beautiful butterfly. I was a puffed-up worm inching its way around. They wanted to step on me, but I didn’t let them. I was beautiful and I had to live with my wings spread wide. I was sorry they wouldn’t come with me, but I had to fly.

You see sometimes we change in small or big ways and others simply won’t come with us. They refuse to come because they don’t want to change either. You are pushing them to become something new too and they won’t have it. The reminders start. Let’s do this. Let’s do that. Altered Identities, Why don’t we? You go. You try things out and it leaves a blah taste in your mouth. You decide to just be you. You don’t try their way any longer. They start to see a difference. Look for someone to blame and when that doesn’t work they eventually give up. She is different. I guess this depression, sadness, life thing is going to stick. Too bad. We liked who she was before.




Of course, if you don’t see all this you might not change. You might let the eye rolls and whispers affect you. You might listen to them. You might be enticed to do old things and think that you should be like that because it makes others happy, Altered Identities,  but should we revert back to a place where we don’t love our image and where we can’t see our potential. A place where we haven’t been altered and are just going through the motions. Is that where you want to be? Is that where I want to be? No, no. I want to change.

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